The Rants Of An Angry Lagos Driver

Driving in Lagos can be the worst experience ever especially for a defensive driver like me.

First things first, every driver in Lagos is mad or has the potential of madness.My father taught me that lesson at 16 years Old during my driving lessons in between hot knocks on my head for releasing the clutch too fast (Lol).

Damn those were the days. Small OG releases the clutch too fast , Big OG konks small OG. Rinse and Repeat. That was a typical day in my  during driving lessons with my Dad.

I digress though. But its still  a relevant theory today to be honest.

Agree? Thank you. Glad we have got that out of the way.

I want to take that theory further and say that drivers on the mainland are crazier than those on the Island.

Why do i say so? Let me explain.

The mainland has  the Yellow Danfo bus drivers, Oshodi , Iyana Ipaja (You cant be a sane driver when you live in a place called Iyana Ipaja) a large concentration of Agberos  (Park touts) at almost every bus stop, people dodging  Police, VIO and FRSC upandan.

Its an absolute war zone i tell you!! Like we are re-enacting scenes from the movie Mad Max. Crazy something!

I practically have to say a prayer every morning before i leave for work.. “Please God let no Danfo or demon driver from hell scratch me today , control my temper Oh Lord. Amen “

Does that prayer always work? Story !

I have changed my  side mirrors twice in the past 12 months , my car scratched countless times , a few fender benders and almost crash situations.

Sometimes i feel people absolutely lose their senses when there is a gridlock or traffic jam especially at night during rush hour traffic.

God help you if there are no LATSMA officials or traffic wardens to help conduct traffic.That’s when people who have PHD’s in shunting lanes will come out and answer present. Especially those Danfo drivers! Scourge of the earth i tell you.

One moment they are on their lane and then all of a sudden the next moment they are swinging their steering their wheels in your direction and daring you to contest with them and scratch your car.

The best you can do is rain curses their way added with the good old five fingered waka.

One thing i know for sure. If rapture happens when i’m in Lagos traffic, i definitely will not see the pearly gates.





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