First World Problems

*steps on stage and picks mic* My people!!! Watdeyhappen? Been a minute innit? So, who missed me? Anybody? *insert cricket sound*. Damn…cold crowd!

Anyways, today’s rant addresses my fascination with First World madness. Where do I begin? Is it the gender identifications? Or maybe the crazy thrill seeking adventures. Perhaps the insane demands made when divorce happens. The list is just endless. I think I’m low-key starting to love the fact that Nigeria is a Third World country. Why?

For starters, I was scrolling through my twitter timeline this morning and that was when I saw it. I was so shocked.

“Air from Adele’s concert sold on eBay for $165”.

In fact, I was probably more surprised than you. Air!!! Something we breathe every minute. Questions began to ring…how did he capture the air? Is there a way to know it has been captured? Was it the air Adele was breathing? I need answers please. Then I remembered they have reliable internet so that’s one thing off their minds.

Thinking it couldn’t get any worse, I proceeded with my timeline scroll. Then another shocked me. Some girl thought it was smart to tell parents not to genderize their children by referring to them as him or her. Her belief, stupid as it was; was that children should be referred to as “IT” until such a time that the child can decide what gender “it” wants. Weyrey leleyi o. Weyrey gidi *hiss*.

Moving on, the First world-ers decided to crown their efforts of being the maddest when a man decided he wanted custody of his wife’s breast as part of the settlement when they divorce.
E jo, what is doing these people. Is this one not mad?

As you can see from above reasons, it is not so bad being a third world country after all. You worry about electricity and internet reliability which are a luxury here, so your problems won’t even be selling air. Na who beleful, dey think to sell air. There are more important things we worry about by default, many of which are basic survival issues. So even the madness will look at you with pity and just move on.

If this is the kind of madness that awaits us when we become a first world country, maybe we should stay where we are. Or what do you guys think?

Evidence for those who doubted 


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An expressively unexpressive creative genius.

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