“No matter how bad things get, the true test is in how we choose to respond to the pain we suffer”. Words from my favourite series. Words I have tried to live by. But I can’t do this. This test is too great. How do I survive this? Do I deserve this? I have too many questions that need to be answered. Why me? What is this pain?
“Tola…I can’t go on without you”. These were the words I uttered as I stood by his tombstone. Even the day shed tears for one radiant soul had dearly departed. He never deserved it. “It’s all my fault” I said to myself. “You would still be here if not for my foolishness”. I began to cry again. My eyes heavy from tears on end. No one could console me. What have I done?
September 21, 2011. The day I had dreamed of all my life. My beautiful white gown fitted perfectly to compliment my curves. It had to be perfect. Nails done. Hair curled and clipped. Deep breaths. My mother ran in again. “Ayodele mi! My beautiful daughter. I’m so proud of you and happy. It’s time my dear. Your father is waiting for you”. She pulls me closer and plants a kiss on my forehead. I exhale happily. I walk to my father side and with all the pride in his eyes he tells me “Congratulations my darling”. The music begins to play and I walk in slowly. There he was. The love of my life. The man of my dreams. My always and forever. This was the beginning of the happy years of my life. Life was good and I was living it.
October 30th, 2013. More magical news. We were about to have a beautiful baby girl. I couldn’t believe it. I was pregnant. I was carrying his baby. Our baby. I looked up and could see the joy in his eyes. We are about to start our very own family. The drive home was so exciting. We had begun to decorate the room for our little girl. “Ayo, I’m scared I might not be a good father” he said. He started recounting stories of his tormented childhood. “You have nothing to fear my love” I said. “I am positive you’ll do a great job as a Father. And if you don’t, I’ll be quick to knock some sense back in your head”. We both laughed hysterically. He looked at me intensely and said “I love you”. I couldn’t hold back the wide smile. If this was a dream, I definitely didn’t wanna wake up.
May 14, 2014. Our beautiful baby girl graced us with her tears. I couldn’t believe it. I was overjoyed and could only shed tears as I stared at my darling daughter with such adoration. She felt so tiny yet had a large part of my heart immediately. I could hear him scream when the doctor gave him the news. “I’m now a mother, baby”. Before night, the hospital was filled with family. His mother and my mother talked on end. My brother and cousins came bearing gifts. Joy filled the air and eight days later we named her Temidayo.
November 10, 2014. It all begins.