A Non-Muslims Guide To Having A Great Sallah

The year goes by really fast and before you know it Sallah is upon you. You ask yourself the One Million dollar question.. “Will I eat that luscious juicy tasting Ram meat this year?”


Just like that you start to have a palpable look of terror on your face when you realize nothing for you this year as you haven’t been a good friend to all your Muslim friends.

I mean there is a science to these things. You don’t just call your friend out of the blue on the eve of Sallah and say “Hey man , just calling to checkup on you. You got any meat?”

That’s just ridiculous. As I said there is a science. Okay here’s the rundown.

  1. You have to start depositing into their emotional bank as far back as January 2017 if you’re thinking of getting any meat in September 2017. Seriously no joke. Start early people!
  2. Then when the fasting starts you have to send them a bowl of fruits once in a while to enable them break that fast it goes a long way. Please make sure you don’t forget to ask in a concerned tone. “How’s your fast going bro/sis ?
  3. Very Important thing before it slips my mind. Don’t ask the stupid question Non-Muslims always ask. “Is this the Sallah you kill Ram?”. Why don’t you take the extra steps to do some research. In fact let me break it down for y’all.

Eid el Mubarak – No Ram

Eid el Kabir – Plenty Ram!

In closing guys , just be an all around good friend. If they need to borrow a few thousands, please borrow , if there was a break up and someone needs a listening ear , please lend those ears and listen very very carefully.

It is that simple. Enjoy the holidays guys (Lol).


Published by


A descendant of the great Don Draper.

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