December Blues : The Trials and Tribulations Of The Igbo Male

So November is here and right on cue Igbo men around the world are triggered because “Onwa December e rugo.

This basically means in plain English that the month of December is here again.

Why would an Igbo man be triggered you ask? Simply because the communal nature of the Igbo man has  had an adverse effect rather than a positive one. Emeka the Alaba trader and Nnamdi the Investment banker face the same kind of pressures. The pressure to show off your “achievements” in the past year or since the last time you came back.

You would be surprised how much of a thing this is! I have a friend  that works at customs who told me that a lot of cars are going to be cleared at the ports between November and December. Chinedu or Ifeanyi have to stunt on their peers with the latest German or Asian piece of automobile engineering available.

This is the best time for service providers I tell you. First of all transport fares are up by almost 100% or more. Hoteliers know they will be smiling to the bank at these times because rooms are usually fully booked till January 3. Lets not even start to talk about the bars and restaurants located in the east. There is something for everyone I tell you.

It’s always funny how significantly depleted the finances of an Igbo man is in the second week of January and in December the next year just like clockwork we repeat this process again.

Why is there a pertinent need to for the average Igbo man to show his fellow man he has arrived? I don’t care about it really. I am so far removed from these phenomenon  and it’s amazing how much it annoys the average village travelling Igbo man. It’s so surprising to some people when they ask If I am travelling “Home”. How can you not travel every December ? what are you doing in Lagos when your “people” are in the east?

I tell them quite simply  “home is where the heart is” beloved.

 

I Need A Time Machine

I managed to switch on my television the other day. I rarely do unless there is a natural disaster or terrorist attack ravaging some city on this earth or sometimes a football match. I usually get all my content online. Don’ judge me.

Anyways, I was flipping through and I stopped by TCM  and the  “The Time Travelers Wife” was showing….classic movie.  Eric Bana played the Character of Henry De Tamble who had a genetic disorder that made him travel unexpectedly to different times in the past and future. Each trip taking a toll on him.

I thought to myself that that’s a neat trick I’ll like to have. I would harness those powers and put it in a machine , a time machine of some sorts without the side effects and hazards.

So guys just humor me and lets play make believe, I have created this time machine so I have the absolute liberty to go back in time and correct a few things.

I made a list…..

  1. I would have eaten beans more as a child . I’m just 6 ft and I would have just loved another two inches to be honest. Call me greedy.
  2. I broke someone’s  heart when I was fresh out of University. Like I took the poor angels heart and shattered it to multiple pieces. I can still hear the weeping on the other end of the phone. In my defense I was walking around with several personal demons. I shouldn’t have been in a relationship. I’m Sorry.
  3. I had an argument with my Mum a few weeks before she died, I would love to change that. I never got the chance to tell her how sorry I was. Bloody youthful exuberance.
  4. My late teen years went by in a flash though. I would like to experience that again. Slowly this time.
  5. I had the chance to visit Cyprus some years ago which I had to pass up on. I sure would love to change that.

Sigh.

The funny thing about life is that everything is always clearer in hindsight. It always is.

So I have a solution going forward, live every moment in such a way that the future you will be absolutely proud.

That my friends is my current mantra.

 

 

Kaido vs the World: Episode 2 & 3

Hola! Cómo estás?! Those are the first few things you learn when you wanna start speaking Spanish. I’m gradually starting to learn the language, especially because of all the gossip that fly over my head. Probably because I feel they’re talking about us or some other shii like that. But let’s leave the paranoia for another day. It’s a double episode guys *crowd screams*. I know, I know…exciting stuff. In that case, *strikes an Elijah pose* Gentlemen, shall we?

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Kaido vs The World: Episode 1

*in Charlie Puth’s voice* it’s been a long week, I can’t even lie. And I don’t know where I’ll start from on this episode *song end*. Remix by yours truly. Honestly though, I don’t even know where to begin. It’s been a LOONNNGGGG 7 days. I didn’t even know it was possible for a week to feel this long. New experiences all around. It’s gonna be a long one, so grab your popcorn or drink or anything and read on. Are you ready for this?

Continue reading “Kaido vs The World: Episode 1”